My phone was still bleary-eyed and stumbling when it was asked to take this photo. My kitchen isn't actually this blurry. But I'm afraid I really am that hunched over. Heavy thoughts can do that to a person. I once saw a woman with a hunchback at the post office when I was four years … Continue reading Jeux Sans Frontieres

It's about 75 Fahrenheit in my room over the garage. So why in June's name am I wearing my big, fluffy robe? It's not to make me more comfy as a pillow for anyone (husband and kids are away tonight). It's to help me reach my new "set point" as my body tries to fight … Continue reading For a Pillow

The chorus of this song has been in my head a lot lately (if you want to strike up the chorus, start at 1:08, and then endure until 1:28 for the full effect). I only had to hear that song about one and a half times in my high school years to have it forever … Continue reading Everything’s Fine

Ten Signs You’ve Been in the Hospital Too Long 10. You can’t wash your hands without a foot pedal 9. You get to a set of double doors and look for the admittance buzzer while other people walk around you and simply push the doors open 8. Perfect strangers have seen more of your body … Continue reading Been a Long Time

Here in my hospital room, I am surrounded by empty rooms. Somewhere down the hall, though, a woman is screaming for her life. It is not a sound that can be replicated without the actual feeling of imminent destruction. I know because I was that woman once. I asked Google what motherhood sounds like. The … Continue reading Like Happy Songs of Bluebirds

Four floors below me in the hospital courtyard, a concert is tuning up. I am told it is a quartet, though I consider a flute an unusual element if it is indeed limited to four instruments. I once played the flute. It's been twenty one years since I played the flute in a musical production. … Continue reading Tied Up to the Ground

Ahem. I cheated and copied the first half of this post from Facebook. It's not so much an economy of words as much as having an IV in my hand, making typing a little awkward, that urged my self-plagiarism. So. Skip to the bold line if you already read my Facebook post. I am 31.5 … Continue reading The Reason I Hold On

Today my son broke his first board in Tae Kwon Do. The whole family gathered to watch this miracle take place. Until a couple months ago, the best he could do in athletics was to stay out of the other kids' way when he collapsed in a pile and whimpered, "This is too hard! I … Continue reading Break on Through

A hard knot of anger and discouragement accompanied me to my church meetings yesterday morning. Burning bright in my recent memory were the images of two of my three children cowering. On two separate occasions in the past 48 hours, each had witnessed Mother's fury--one because he had thrown a fit in public (my fit, … Continue reading I’m on Your Side

During my previous pregnancy, I began experiencing some insomnia. I awoke around 3 or 4 am and then lay there for an hour or three aching for sleep while my brain refused to rest. This pregnancy has been no different. But now for the first time, I am putting to use the laptop that resulted from … Continue reading For Emily, Whenever You May Find Her