A quiet fury steadily grows inside me The questions, the blame, the finality of failure I try to unravel roots steeped in decay, The proof that others have tried this before.   Then wrapping their stranglehold 'Round my last hope, The roots, histories still untold, Silence even the joy of new birth.   In circles … Continue reading Surrounded by the Sound

I may be older than dirt, as my kids like to remind me, but I am not too old to be called a snowflake, which USA Today describes as "a slang insult, often used in a derogatory way to suggest that people — often, but not always, young people — who take offense [at] anything from political … Continue reading Can You Stand the Heat?

[Written June 22, 2017] Dear Mom and Dad, Did I hear you say that we're going home today? What is home like? Will I miss the hospital? It has so many fascinating sounds. You said the baby next door sounds just like a peacock when she cries. Do we have peacocks at home? I didn't … Continue reading The Day that I Met You

Some things cannot be explained. Such as, how has it been two months since I've written? I know I've wanted to write. My mind is brimful with ideas. But I have despaired of ever writing a sentence ripe with personal meaning again. Mid-October my husband was away on business for four days. On day one, … Continue reading Why Don’t You Write?

I want words to tell you what happened today, but I am numb. Not like the fat-lipped feeling I had after the dentist injected Novocaine into my mouth today. Numb like the white noise of a waterfall crashing around me. I can hear nothing else, feel nothing else, but even as I reach inward for … Continue reading Confusion on the Ground

The serenity of a late summer evening. A time when a man can sit back in a lawn chair and enjoy the stillness of his shaded yard, the quiet antics of his dog, and the distant sounds of children playing. This is it. This is what he has worked for. This is what makes worthwhile … Continue reading Out My Back Door

I was one  of those kids who couldn't fall asleep the night before the first day back to school. Was I filled with excitement as I anticipated a new teacher, a new array of classmates, and new academic challenges? Nope. I fretted and dreaded. Would that bully kid still pick on us? Would I be … Continue reading We Gots to Get Up and Organize

Our pediatrician stared at us in disbelief. "Vacation? Tomorrow?" Our baby of two months weighed eight pounds. He had doubled his birth weight, but his growth rate was too slow. He needed more calories. We had spent four weeks at home with our three other kids and our preemie. My husband, any visiting relatives, and … Continue reading Let’s Go Away for a While

A cult classic, Napoleon Dynamite, just might hold the key to unlocking most of what makes me tick. I mean "tick" in that time-bomb-steer-clear-when-she's-in-one-of-her-moods way. Last night I awoke for a 2 AM feeding and let my mind roll over the dream that had been playing out, once again, on the screen in my mind. … Continue reading Are We Human?

A lot of parenting and at-home mothering just doesn't make sense. Make a bed just to unmake it. Wash clothes just to get them dirty. Eat food just to...get hungry again. Here is next week's dirty laundry waiting to get folded and put away. I watch my kids' gerbils pursue activities that are just as … Continue reading I’m Still Running