I live at a bend in the road. I would like to take several minutes to describe how my home is situated, but I am not being paid by the word. And even though I committed to not use many photos, my kids are just too cute for me to pass up this opportunity, so here you go:
Not only is there a bend in the road, but the aspen trees you see create a lovely blind spot for cars coming around the bend. The posted speed is 25 miles per hour, but even 20 mph seems too fast at the bend.
When we bought this house, the only major concern I had was that bend. With a shorter driveway and yard than I am accustomed to, the angle of descent is steeper so that kids on bikes, scooters, skateboards, toddler legs, and Radio Flyer wagons could land in the street faster than I could stop them if we were having some front yard time together.
I have contemplated building a home on some land in the country. I know exactly how I would situate it so that every approaching vehicle was visible while I stood in the kitchen and while my children played in the yard visible from the kitchen window. It is tiresome to not always see my older kids and wonder whether they have put themselves on a wagon, bike, skateboard or scooter in preparation for a risky flight into the street. Sigh! If only…
Anyway, I made a terrible mistake the other morning. After reprimanding one of the older kids for leaving the front door open so my toddler could walk across the lawn to the neighbor’s yard, I decided after scooping her up (relieved that she was safe, of course) to go ahead and water the flower pots since I was already outside. I suggested to the older kids that they go across the street and say hi to a little boy whom we don’t see very often.
My toddler and I filled the water bucket and began watering flowers. As I pondered why that little boy was so rarely outside playing, I looked up with a start to see that my daughter was nowhere in sight. My husband’s truck sat in the driveway and blocked my view, but I knew my daughter was somewhere beyond it. I dropped the watering can and sprinted for the street, shouting at her to stop.
There she stood, right in the middle of the street. She glowered at me and stomped her foot. She had only been following her older siblings’ example and her mother’s instructions! How dare I stop her? It was awful because I had inadvertently allowed the whole event, but since my only spanking of my children at that age (horror of horrors–I do occasionally spank my kids!) is reserved for when he or she toddles into the road, I gave that girl a spank as I scooped her up. I want him or her to know that a sudden impact and pain are associated with that terrain. [I’m probably only teaching her that her rescuer is the cause of that sudden pain…shoot!]
No cars were in sight, and hopefully no witnesses to my idiocy either, but I had placed my daughter in a very precarious position. She was too young to realize that her older siblings were in “forbidden territory” for an acceptable reason and that they knew how to look both ways and look and listen for cars (though I try to watch them every time they cross the street and re-address any lapse in proper technique). They’re also bigger and more visible to cars (if their drivers are watching the road, of course). Plus, their mom knew where they were.
My toddler had heard my instructions to the older two to head across the street, and I hadn’t thought to warn her that I was only speaking to the others. I knew to whom I was speaking, and at the time, that seemed to be sufficient. Perhaps I’d already forgotten she was there (sad face).
You’ll notice in that first photo that my toddler is wearing a little backpack and holding a leash. I let her hold it while I took this photo, but for our part yesterday in the neighborhood garage sale, I decided to prevent, rather than treat, the inevitable toddler wandering into the street. And I tried to persuade the older two, who were selling their unwanted items in an effort to raise money for a pet, that they already had one, complete with leash and harness.
Here they are, just after receiving their second dollar each from generous people who didn’t want the kids’ junk any more than I did. They each have a mama dollar and a papa dollar. If they had left those two dollars alone for a while, perhaps they’d have gotten a whole family of dollars. But they wanted to spend them right away, which is how we ended up with a hamster cage and a giant, inflatable palm tree. I know what we’re selling at next year’s garage sale…
Heading into serious territory now…
But it’s not just mamas and papas who make babies together. Complete strangers, casual encounters, forbidden relationships, and violent, coercive and/or manipulative attacks also make babies. Babies who have no control over how they come into this world, but who come in needing just as much love, attention, and time as the baby who was planned and prepared for.
I don’t have time to look up all the numbers and back everything up that I say with a reliable source, but a lot of abortions happen every day in this country. What got me thinking even more about this topic was this blog post, which I read earlier in the week. And since I’ve seen the general spread of population in Provo, Utah, which he said is the number of unborn children prevented from experiencing birth and life each day in America, I think that is a significant number.
What I also found significant was his tone. Did he account for all the abortions that resulted after a woman (or child, really) experienced rape or incest? If a woman hasn’t consented to the event that creates the baby (it’s a baby to me, I can feel him or her moving completely independent of my own neural network long before the second trimester, so to me he or she is a life, not a mass of tissue or a nebulous, non-human “fetus”); then she has the right to discontinue that violation of her body and her will. I believe two (or more) innocent lives are at stake in those cases, as well as in cases where a woman’s life is threatened by the pregnancy, and that serious reflection and honest consideration of all the options can still occur rather than a presumed outcome of terminating the pregnancy. But in this case, she is defending her own body.
So I’m pretty sure that self-defense is not considered murder, and I wondered if he was casting all women who get abortions as murderers. That didn’t really sit right with me. However, how many abortions are for convenience (i.e., if this pregnancy had only happened when my career were more stable), for a lapse in birth control measures, for a realization that another child would be too much, for the undesired outcome of a child having a non-life threatening condition, etc.? Those situations really don’t sit right with me. Not because I want to deprive women of the choice of what happens to their bodies, but because I want each woman to know what her choices are long before she is confronted with abortion as an option.
When I put my daughter in the precarious position of standing in the middle of the street where a car could hit her at any moment, I had deprived her of most choices. She had followed the examples of people in her life whom she assumed lived by rules she could also adopt. She had heard one of her two most beloved adults encourage her peers to enter grown-up territory, which she also did, whether she was ready or not. And the whole situation was compounded by her home being situated where drivers from one direction would hardly have time to see her, let alone stop, before hitting her.
By guarding against having my daughter enter that street too soon, I am giving her more choices. The choice to know the difference between, “I am curious about walking into that road” and “I need to cross that road for an important reason.” I am giving her the choice to follow her peers just because she trusts them or to say to her peers (or one very specific peer), “No, I am not doing that. I am not ready, and I expect you to respect my choice.” I am giving her the option to observe that road a bit longer and notice how dangerous it really can be. And for those who might be rounding the corner, I am preventing them from suddenly causing the death of an innocent being because they had no warning. Warning can come in the way of not just posting a sign, but in educating that driver about when and why to be cautious.
Now hang on if you are a feeling like a naysayer right now. I am simply going off the impression I have gotten by reading news stories, watching mainstream movies and television shows, and from talking to people I’ve encountered in my life, but…
…it seems that sex is now treated like a form of expression and pleasure that should not have any restrictions other than requiring the consent of two adults (or nearly adults). The road in front of my house requires drivers to be a certain age (nearly adult) and to consent to some laws and the carrying of a current driver’s license in a vehicle that is registered, which is more than what two people (or just one, it would seem) need in order to drive on the road of sexual experiences.
Of course cars are a technological outgrowth of the demands we place on our civilization, thus requiring more regulation, whereas sex (at least the kind that makes babies) is literally part of life and so it’s much more difficult to regulate something that is as natural to some as breathing (though, on an individual level not actually necessary: you can actually survive and thrive in this life without any sexual exploration).
It also seems like sexual education in schools has accentuated the “well, you’re going to do this, so here’s a condom and the phone number to schedule an appointment at the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic” to the point that in this analogy, I might as well tell my daughter of less than two years to “put shoes on before you cross the road if that’s where your body takes you” and “just holler if you need anything while you’re out there!”
The more education a young man or young woman receives from those who love them about the capabilities, responsibilities, and consequences of their bodies as bearers of life and desirable sensations, the more choices that young man or young woman will have as they face the road ahead. I don’t think schools should stop Sex Ed programs anymore than we should stop the DMV from giving out licenses (but, boy, wouldn’t it be nice to skip the tedium of that ticking time bomb?)…
…so my point isn’t that parents need to keep their kids home from Sex Ed courses or abolish them from their schools. My point is that parents need to learn from helpful resources, to become comfortable with their own sexuality, to reconcile their past activities with their current desire to prepare their own child(ren), and then to start early (or at least simply) to create a healthy dialogue about sexual development and interactions. My parents did this for me brilliantly and successfully so that the dialogue continues. Not in some casual, disrespectful way, but in a profoundly comfortable way.
The sweet soul who gave my children their first dollars of the morning lives just around the bend on the other side of the street. It is her car you see in the first photo. Anyway, as she perused the neighborhood for any great garage sale deals, she drove up to our wispy sale and visited briefly before rescuing my kids from complete despair as they watched their efforts ignored by driver after driver. We chatted briefly about the bend, and she pointed out two things I find significant in my thoughts here.
First, that a speed bump on either side of the street to slow down cars approaching from either direction of the curves in our neighborhood would be a simple solution, and second, that she worries about her own child (older than mine) playing at the street’s edge just after the bend in the road.
What kinds of speed bumps slow down a woman (or at least a child of childbearing ability) before she is at an abortion clinic? And I mean the woman who, of her own will and choice, engaged in sexual intercourse with a male of the species.
Was there a speed bump called “education about her own body, her sex drive, and the implications of sexual activity?”
Was there a speed bump called “communication about the future between the two parties?”
Was there a speed bump called “a loving relationship with a trusted adult who could answer questions, give advice, and inflict painful consequences for violations of safety rules if needed (like being grounded for staying out too late or lying about whereabouts and the company she kept)?”
Was there a speed bump called “a male partner who had learned to respect another’s body and his own ability to help create life?”
Was there a speed bump called “contraception is rarely foolproof and requires correct use?”
Because picketing, blowing up, or shooting up an abortion clinic is about as helpful as making my own daughter into the speed bump. Even the lives of people who get and administer abortions matter.
My neighbor’s second point–that her own child plays around the bend on the other side–made me realize that I am sometimes that driver bearing down on his location a bit faster than I ought to–because I am focused on my own agenda, because I am distracted, or because I assume he weighed the consequences before setting up a basketball hoop on the street’s edge and will step out of the way as I approach. But he still needs space, which I can more easily provide with the vehicle I am in. Regardless of how his choices affected my plan, he still deserves consideration and compassion.
So on this road of sexual experience, as a culture we need to remember to slow down and think. It might be nice to think we could build a home in the country and prevent every single danger on our own little road. But in real life, we don’t always know when there will be a bend in the road of another driver and we don’t always know who (whether born or unborn) is on the other side. All we can know in advance is that they each matter.
7 thoughts on “3. Country Roads, Take Me Home”
I agree with much of what you’ve written here. The choice to abort a baby because it’s inconvenient is concerning to me. But what is also concerning (and maybe more concerning) to me is that our society believes that women would approach abortion in such an insensitive, self-indulgent manner. I’m sure it happens on occasion (in which case it’s perhaps better that said person’s genes are not passed on), but knowing many people who have had abortions, I cannot think of a single one who didn’t agonize over the decision before, during, and after. Presuming that a woman might make this decision flippantly is a rampant viewpoint in our culture. Most people don’t even make a decision about what cell phone to buy without considerable research and we think terminating a pregnancy is done without weighing intensely the options?
The problem is not women who choose to have abortions; the problem is our overall distrust of women, particularly women who terminate pregnancies. Because what’s the alternative? The alternative is that a doctor, or lawyer, or council of some sort (careers all currently dominated by men) makes the final decision. People who don’t know the woman, who don’t understand what she’s been through, who can’t possibly determine whether or not she’s been traumatized. Judges can’t even make a proper ruling on a rape case anymore – we’re going to extend that lack of judgment to abortion decisions?
We need to rebuild our trust in women. Now, the other side of the coin which I think you’ve very well laid out is education. While most every woman will put considerable thought into the decision to abort, not all are educated. Not all understand their bodies, the decisions they will have to make, the risks, as you’ve mention. So I totally agree 100% – we need to create those speed bumps. We’re getting closer, and I personally think free contraception is a great step in the right direction (98% effective in most cases) but education is paramount.
Somewhat unrelated, studies are now showing that allowing kids free play with few restrictions is actually safer for them in the long run. Technically, we SHOULD let them run in the street because they’ll learn faster how to avoid getting hit by cars. But there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that with my toddler, too scary!!!!
Anyway as, well-written, good points, always enjoy your posts.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wanted to reply right away, but my time seems to come in snatchits (apparently that isn’t a word), and I wanted to give your thoughts more than a snatichit of my time.
So, my first thought was, “Elissa, you were using your indignant voice at one point; try your compassionate voice instead.” That was when I used the word “convenience,” which is a word full of meaning (some people would use the term “pregnant” here). I decided that if I’d used my compassionate voice, as I prefer to do, I would have said, “However, how many abortions are because of fear? Fear that it will disrupt her means of successfully earning income and advancing in the career meant to support a future family, fear that unwanted pregnancy will destroy a brittle relationship, fear that another child would be too much, fear of being the parent of a child with a non-life threatening (but significantly life-altering) condition, etc.?”
I can identify with fear, and it certainly draws me into a place of compassion and wanting to help instead of cross my arms in anger and look away with that “you don’t even deserve my attention” look I tend to use in my fear of confronting what scares me.
And what scares me is that as a society we don’t trust in the wisdom prior generations, solid moral and religious and philosophical (and even scientific) leaders have given us (good luck on us agreeing on exactly who these individuals would be..). We have to test everything instead of learn restraint. There is no teacher like experience, but if my daughter gets flattened in the road, what she learned by rejecting my rule to “stay out of the street until you’re old enough” is wasted.
I like your point that we seem to have lost trust in women when we don’t let them determine for themselves whether they keep a pregnancy. But the pivot point for me here is: do I give more trust to a woman who has not managed her body and appetites very well, as shown by engaging in activities known to most (not all–plenty of young women are so ignorant it is terrifying) to lead to pregnancy when she clearly did not want to become pregnant? From once having a friend consider abortion and then go on to keep and love her baby immeasurably, I realize this is extremely personal and society shouldn’t just create a “one size fits all” rule about abortion. But as for trust, I think we need to first make men and women, girls and boys, accountable for their sexual behavior by educating them and making sure they understand all along the way that choices have consequences. Real consequences. Let children feel the pain of a bad decision or have to give up a privilege or face those whom they’ve hurt and see the pain they’ve caused. Society has kind of lost the ability to stomach natural consequences.
And I don’t even think of pregnancy as the “negative” consequence of sexual activity. It’s just a natural consequence. The way we receive that news, the way a woman was once made to hide away to quietly give birth and sign adoption papers to avoid shaming the family, the way a woman might feel pressured to just “take care of it” the way I ask my kids to get a poopy diaper to the outside garbage–that concerns me. How do we nonchalantly put so much energy and time into admiring the sexual traits of one another by means of the media we view, the personal interactions we create, the innuendo we assume is “standard adult language” and then act surprised that encounters occur with unwanted pregnancies as the result?
I also like your point that the alternative would be a decision handed down from a male-dominated authority of some kind if abortion could not be sought by a woman just seeing her provider or a licensed clinician. And that is another distrust that needs to be remedied. The way one of our equal partners in the species is plumbed should not rule out the possibility that he (and his male cohorts) could arrive at a compassionate and sensitive decision about the welfare of a woman. I think they need a lot of education, patience, significant females in their lives not killing them first, but men’s hearts can be touched and changed in the way they view complex (or even simple) plights of women. I think if we are going to arrive at a point where men truly respect women in all their power, they need to be allowed room to contemplate the magnitude of the burdens we uniquely carry.
My heart goes out to every woman confronted with the news that her actions (or the unwanted actions of another) has put her in a place to bear life when she feels unprepared. (I didn’t approach motherhood with the slightest “I got this” attitude: I’d prepared for it my whole life and was terrified.) But why aren’t we as a society more willing to help that woman? Or to come to the rescue of that child by making it easy for the mom to select adoptive parents? Laws, privacy, money, fear, scarcity of resources, etc. But that takes me to my final point.
Reality is what we make of it. The reality is that people are going to have sex who weren’t planning to become parents. Pregnancies sometimes need to be terminated, and this should be done safely for the woman (not on a kitchen table with a crochet hook, or some other horrible butchery I’ve read about before). Banning abortion, teaching only abstinence for Sex Ed doesn’t fit the reality. But the reality seems to be rapidly slipping toward so much experimentation with our bodies that society can’t adapt quickly enough to really care for and protect the innocent victims along the way. We look like a landslide where the only people having fun are the ones who are still on top of the debris. Those buried beneath no longer have a voice and those scattered on the wayside are too marginalized to speak up, but we need to stop letting the forces of nature determine our speed and destination. People from all sides of these arguments may benefit from seeing that we have the power to make progress even while reigning in some of our natural tendencies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good thoughts. I like the perspective and questions asked when “convenience” is turned into a more compassionate viewpoint. I have to point out, though, that most of society does NOT see it from a compassionate viewpoint. I can certainly appreciate that you do, but it is rampant in our culture to assume that abortions are handled on the way to the nail salon or as a “just take care of it” kind of scenario. As a society, we DO NOT trust women to be compassionate, thoughtful, and logical in our approach of abortion. I think if we could get to a point where women are trusted, this conversation becomes far more productive.
Interesting that you bring up my point about men being the primarily jurors in a situation where an outside party makes the determination of whether or not an abortion is appropriate. I hadn’t considered that perhaps I was demonizing men as much as I feel women are demonized. When it comes to the man involved in the pregnancy, I absolutely agree with you. He should be party to the discussion and able to be trusted to be understanding. Whose voice gets more leverage? It kind of has to be the woman’s because she bares the larger burden of the pregnancy and likely the post-birth burden as well. It’s very easy to say that you want to keep the child when your body won’t change, you won’t have surgery, and society doesn’t expect much outside a financial contribution after the child is born anyways. But as for objective third parties who might be called in to judge such a situation, I don’t think it’s unfair to assume that men are not as well equipped to understand the potential repercussions of maintaining the pregnancy. They can’t easily understand what it’s like to be raped, or almost raped, or even violates. Is it impossible? Of course not. But with our society being still so patriarchal, and with understanding and compassion low on the scale of expected traits for men to build…it’s difficult to relate to a person who is less privileged. And a pregnant woman who wants to terminate is one of the least privileged people in our country. So many assumptions can be made about her morality, her wisdom, her ability to set aside emotion to make decisions. I think the risks are too great even with nothing but women on the panel who at the very least can look at this person and say “that could be me someday”. So your point on that subject is well taken and will require further thought.
I think though, at the end of the day, we have to look at the root of the problem. You talk about giving into sexual appetites – this is not the root problem, IMO. Contraception is effective 98% of the time. 98%!!! People are not getting pregnant because they are having sex; they are getting pregnant because they aren’t protecting themselves. I realize the silliness of that statement since obviously you have to have sex to get pregnant in the first place, but in this modern age, abortions are more directly tied to irresponsibility in sexual activities than sex itself. Yes, accidents happen but they are so, so rare (that’s why we hear about them so much). I’m not a person who would likely be sleeping with a different person every week if I was single, but there are literally thousands who do, do it safely, and never have a pregnancy scare. We have the answer, we just aren’t implementing it well. There are too many people who can’t get access to or can’t afford contraception. If we’re so worried about abortions, let’s stop people getting pregnant in the first place. A hundred years ago, abstinence was the only solution. I think it’s fair to say that in this day and age, protection is the only solution.
At the base of it, I think we agree: education and accountability are important. I think where we head down different roads is where we define responsibility. I think from your perspective, it is responsible to reign in sexual appetites until a person is in a committed relationship. I believe it is responsible to make wise choices about sex by being aware of the potential risks and protecting oneself accordingly. Existence of a Long term relationships is a non-issue for me.
But I also think that kids are having sex young and making bad decisions about it and that’s not going to go away. So abortion won’t ever go away either. And I’d rather see a 15-year-old who made a poor decision have a chance at a normal life than see another child born into the world who starts off at a disadvantage. And More than that, I’d like her to be able to make the decision. I don’t want to see her scrutinized by people who don’t understand her or her circumstances. And like you, I definitely don’t want to see some of the horrid ways people go about abortions these days!
Oh dear, I typed all this on my phone and it’s too much worn to go back and edit and clean it up. If anything comes across offensive, it wasn’t intended. Much of this was stream-of-consciousness. At this point, I’ll just be happy if it made sense lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Actually, what we should do is invent a baby incubator! Unwanted pregnancy? Poop that baby into this incubator and let an adoptive family cover the costs of growing and birthing it. Poof! Problem solved. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, Jane! I am trying not to laugh that you wrote “poop that baby into this incubator…” You have seriously been dealing with potty training too long!!
And in my original post I may have referred to reigning in our sexual appetites, but among the natural tendencies that need reigning in, in my opinion, is also the natural tendency to assume we know what another person has experienced, to judge that person, to believe that what works for me is going to work for her. Those kinds of assumptions (and I am working on them all the time in myself–I’m an oldest child, perfectionist, and genetically authoritative on just about any subject) are at least as problematic as the assumptions that “if it feels good, do it,” or whatever presumptuous assumption I want to make about the people seeking for and supporting abortions.
And if we agree on education–education about what? I would want it to include that pregnancy isn’t just a risk, but a purpose of sex. I would want kids to learn early on why they experience the sensations they do and why a woman’s interest may fluctuate and set her up for wanting sex more when she’s fertile. I would want education to include what an abortion is like and what the history of it is. How did it become a viable (can I use that word if I think it leads to a death?) option? I would want kids in high school classes to write pass/fail (meaning you tried or you didn’t because any answer is acceptable) essay responses to ethical questions regarding life, sex, decisions, etc. I recall that plenty was discussed 20 years ago regarding contraception and proper use.
And could education include anything about child development or parenting? That might scare the hell out of some kids, so I would prefer it was done in a thoughtful and supportive way. But teens are often caught in the trap of thinking themselves invincible, so maybe both aspects are helpful. The one teen in high school I knew well enough who kept her pregnancy and she and the father did the best they could to make it work, well, their life was rough at times, but their children were beautiful accomplishments when I met them over a decade later. I don’t know whether she considered an abortion, but she had to give up an athletic scholarship and I know the dad wasn’t the kind who had planned to grow up quickly like that. So it is a serious event to have new life come along when a different kind of life had been dreamed of.
Anyway, I don’t like that everything seems to come down to a “this or that,” “pro- or anti-,” “one or the other” dilemma. I just always want to say both (however, I always get the vanilla cone. I’m too boring to get a twist!!) Thanks for listening again 🙂
Last thought (of my entire life if my son keeps up this whining fest next to me since my head just might explode…). In real life I would not just insert my opinion into any decision that should be between a woman and her doctor or a woman and her sexual partner (can you imagine me knocking on steamed up car windows at the lookout by Horsetooth?), so a lot of what I’m saying is meant to be hypothetical. But I do get asked for my opinion on occasion when it comes to political representatives and the legislative process. If I could vote in a way that simply ranked where my taxes went when it comes to abortion and such, 1st place would go to education, 2nd place would go to pregnancy and childbirth support, 3rd place would go to adoption services, 4th place would go to contraception and a distant 5th would be abortion and revisiting education. In the meantime, I am saddened by the general situation where everyone seems to feel threatened by the “other” side. It just doesn’t prove a very helpful stance in working together.
Apparently my head did not explode, and I have yet another thought. As nice as it would be to “poop (pop?) that baby into this incubator,” my cousin and his wife had a baby that had to be delivered by Cesarean to save the mother when he was right at the threshold, in his development if not his gestational age, at which abortions are still legal in most states. This blog, written by little Marshall’s mother, shows just how unlikely that scenario would be: http://stout-heart.blogspot.com/2013_03_01_archive.html
And of course I know you meant your idea to be light-hearted, which is how I took it. But in reading that other article on Facebook the other day and remembering going to a tiny person’s funeral, I can tell you that to see his casket carried out from the church like it could have been a shoe box for children’s shoes really struck home the point that being wanted or being a certain size doesn’t define personhood. I don’t think his mom created a person and planted it on his personless body. I think when we are in tune with another person, we see who they are, even when communication of any kind is nearly impossible.
I think sometimes what saddens me most about how common abortion has become is that to me, it is evidence of an ongoing disconnection from ourselves and one another. When people really connect, they see the possibilities and potential of the other person. They see them as more than temporary or there to fulfill one’s own desires. A baby formed in my body is literally my husband and I becoming one flesh. And it requires us, to some degree, to be one in purpose and thought because juggling grown-up demands while caring for a child requires a kind of coordination that can’t always be delineated with precise language. Sometimes it takes some humility, some careful observation, and then this magical moment when one parent anticipates the needs of the other parent. I realize that plenty of women go on to have these kinds of experiences despite having had a prior abortion or they had this experience and then choose abortion with a subsequent pregnancy. I just think something of our humanity is lost when we don’t set ourselves up for and allow ourselves to go through something that is both tough and desirable, like parenting. Anyway, I’m really tired now and probably getting too romantical in my notions. Thanks again for listening.